A conversation with my conscience..
I sat down and thought if I would have done anything different given another chance at the visa office ? Contrary to sayee's depictions on stage, I didn't give super smart answers when asked about my project. I just told him what I knew. Somehow the visa officer felt it was necessary to give it another check, owing to all the added security from 9/11. The answer came out loud and clear..No. I wouldn;t have done anything different. Does this mean that I deserved it the first time I got my visa? Again the answer was clear..No. I didn't. So what is it that we have/had that we did deserve ?
During that period, my Manni would ask me to visit different temples in madras to help me get through this and she'd say "Poi vendikko, kandippa visa kedaikkum". Among the list of the temples, was a "Visa Aanjaneyar" temple. Funny how, even the temples get categorized "utility" wise. In time, we might even see temples like "Viral suththi" Pillayaar temples and "Dote 1" Agasthyar temples. And I did what people asked me to do. Go to temples. But when I had to pray and ask god to make the "visa e-mail" happen, something stopped me. That question always bothered me.When I looked at all those little boys, waiting in line to get the kovil prasaadam to fill their stomach with, I realized that I could have turned out like one of them. So easily ! What did I do differently to deserve all the comforts that have been showered on me ? What did I do to deserve good parents ? What did I do to deserve good education ? Good health and no physical handicap ? I didnt do a thing ! And when I was here to ask him for the Visa, did I thank him for the engineering degree I got ? For the college admission ? For doing well in the 12 th std ? Oh no, those were long forgotten ! And is there any promise I might change this behavior and act "content"? No ! How opportunistic ! So, I did not infact ask for the visa (but ofcourse heart of hearts I was craving for it which is tantamount to asking for it I guess). But God being God, gave it to me anyway. When we face adversities, there are lessons to be learnt. Did I learn my lesson ? We'll know soon enough..
"Naayagan melirundhu noolinai aatugindraan
Naamellam bommai endru naadagam kaattugindraan"